


Flicker

by StylesNation



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, larry stylinson - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 04:25:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13516557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StylesNation/pseuds/StylesNation
Summary: ➰ One where Louis is the most afraid and angry over One Direction's upcoming hiatus ➰





	Flicker

**Author's Note:**

> -This story was first published on Wattpad-
> 
> This story is inspired by Niall Horan's title track off his debut album 'Flicker'. 
> 
> His 8th song, Flicker, is a beautiful one and I️ felt inspired enough to write a oneshot kind of related to it. The lyrics don't necessarily explain anything about the story, but the story ties in with the song. 
> 
> Also note that other songs from his album will be randomly referenced. 
> 
> Be warned, this is fan fiction and therefore whatever depicted here is from my imagination and may or may not be real. Events from 2015 May be referenced. 
> 
> This is a Larry Stylinson story within the real One Direction world.
> 
> The story is set in mid-2015. 
> 
> WARNING: story contains self-harm. If that triggers you, please feel free not to read the story.

"Then I️ think of the stars, and it echoes a spark,  
I️ remember the magic, electricity,  
Then I️ look in my heart, there's a light in the dark,  
Still a flicker of hope that your first gave to me,  
That I️ wanna keep,  
Please don't leave."

➰

"It'll be good for the band."

"Don't look so glum now boys."

"You asked for a break and we're giving it to you. Stop acting like children."

Discussing the next step for the band was probably the longest and hardest meeting they'd ever had to face in all their five years as One Direction. Not even the meeting after Zayn left was as intense. 

Don't get them wrong, they wanted this break; they needed it, but having it out as an 18-month break but only to prolong it inevitably was not on any of their to-do lists. 

Liam had sat there thinking about how their fans would react after they found out their sympathy and love for the boys had been taken advantage of and now they were left high and dry. He watched as their management hadn't even batted a lid when he brought this up. In fact, Bethany had replied:

"Well it's a shame then. They're just 12-year-olds. They'll move on to the next."

And that hurt. 

Niall's knee had bounced so hard he felt he'd need his crutches again from the pain he felt after the meeting. The thoughts running through his mind were, for the first time, conflicted. Yes they needed sometime off but then he thought about the drama that would begin to unfold within their fan base. 

Having lurked on social media long enough, he understood just how defensive and mad their fandom got. He watched as they called them liars jokingly, but if Modest! really forced them to extend the hiatus longer than they officially stated, only God knew just how bad it would turn out. 

Harry blatantly refused to speak. When his input on the matter was demanded of, he simply glared and stayed quiet, fingers digging into his palms painfully. When they talked about how the boys would be able to do their own thing for a while Harry's emotions started fighting to be let out. 

He wanted to cry because it looked as though they were slowly breaking up the band. He wanted to throw a tantrum because he fucking hated all the people sat in front of them. He wanted to lash out at them for blowing off their fans' feelings like they were shit and meant nothing. He would have, but Louis' hand was on his left thigh and that kind of caged him and his emotions. 

Louis was the most calm of them all, which shocked management because they thought he was the one who clung most to the band. Instead the blue-eyed boy simply nodded at what they were saying, giving short, curt answers for his best friends who were just about done with this meeting. 

When the meeting was over, Louis' mind mentally let out a sigh of relief because he really just pulled off that act to their management. He wanted to go back and cuddle Harry as the boy ranted and cried and he would shed a couple of tears too because fuck, how were they all going to recover from this one? This was their breaking point. 

As they left that cursed office, Louis was called back. 

He rolled his eyes because of course he wasn't out of the clear yet. Maybe his act hadn't been fully believable and this was his time. He could either break character completely and tell them off like he usually did, or stay composed and make it back to the hotel with a calm aura. 

He really wished it was the second option. 

Sitting down once again he stared at the people who made all their lives as One Direction hell and caused them all mental exhaustion, hence why Zayn left. 

One more person walks in, a black folder under his armpit. He sits down and opens the folder, giving some papers to his colleagues, none giving Louis a glance. He sits back in the chair and crosses his arms. 

He wonders if Harry is cooking something or ordering in. 

His thoughts are interrupted by the black folder being placed in front of him. He looks at the man with a quirked eyebrow and confusion on his features. 

"This is a new contract Louis."

"Ok? What for?"

"You'll be having a... different sort of hiatus."

* * *

There's something hypnotizing about siting in the dark, surrounded by four familiar walls. Day after day, months on end, storms and all. You gain a sense of familiarity within said confinement. Knowing the total number of tiles on the floor, recounting all the cracks that line up the ceiling, mentally picturing the designs on the walls. 

It should be scary. 

But it's not really. In fact, Louis looks forward to sitting down in the corner, facing the shower and having the sink block his view from the toilet. 

What was scary was his will to not merely sit and calm down. Walking into the bathroom and sitting in the corner would always cause his entire body to itch and it would start to ache if he didn't give in to the much needed release. 

He needed to feel numb, to remain sane. 

He watched as the blood ran in clear, distinctive lines along his arm. Random droplets of his tears would land next to the fresh scars but he didn't even feel himself crying. He liked that. 

Opening the cuts over and over and over had proved wise as he didn't feel the pain of the razor, slicing through his flesh. Sometimes, he felt like the blood would flow down the same route as the previous encounter. Louis tended to be delusional during these moments of solitude. But at least his mind would be calm and quiet, and the only sound would be his steady breathes, and a random tune he would hum to not pass out. 

Not many people knew Louis self-harmed. Not even Harry. Only his mom and Zayn. He wouldn't have told Zayn if he hadn't barged in one night looking for the older to go smoke with him. That was an interesting conversation. And Zayn didn't tell any of the other boys, it was Louis' confession to tell. 

Today he was humming 'Hold On' by Michael Bublè. He'd blame Niall for getting the song stuck in his head but the comfort of the lyrics is what brought it to the front of his mind. He can end it all so easily, so fast no one would have seen it coming, but he's not that strong yet to go all the way. 

With the razor as a guide, his hand traces over his arm, wondering if the ticklish feeling would want to be felt. As he hums into the second chorus he applies pressure into his arm, creating a new cut, watching the skin slice open like an operation. Maybe he should be a surgeon in his next life. 

Or not. 

His hand falters. The blade sliced right through a vein. He winces and drops the blade, watching the blood spill out much faster than any other time he's cut. The feeling of pain was quickly surpassed by the feeling of awe as he wonders what it would be like if his problems would flow out as fast as his blood. 

By this point he should have started to attempt to stop the bleeding, but he wanted to feel the pain. He wanted to understand why it had to be him. He wanted to not feel woozy and pass out in 3... 2... 1.

Maybe next time. 

* * *

"Hello? Lou Bear?"

"Hi mum. How are you?"

"Have you been crying? What's wrong?"

Louis sniffles completely giving away his lie before he even said it. 

"Lou? What happened? Did-did you hurt yourself?"

Louis' eyes watered and he pulled his knees closer to his chest, phone in hand. His mum knew on instant. 

And there was so much disappointment in her tone. It wasn't really an angry one but a sad one where she couldn't help from all the way across the world. It also held a non-understanding for why Louis hasn't told Harry, his boyfriend, that he needs an extra shoulder to cry on. 

"Louis..."

"M'sorry mum. I tried the breathing exercises and the yoga but today? Today I couldn't do it. And I think I went too deep."

"What? Louis how deep? Are you still bleeding? Goddamit I have to call..."

"No! Mum. It's fine. It was just a slight cut on a vein. I've bandaged and cleaned it. I'm fine."

"Louis, you can't do this anymore. I know you're trying but you can't."

He heard the shake in her voice and his heart broke even more. He's been doing his best to stay away from self-harm but sometimes it's so hard. So so hard and he loses all control. 

She knows this. 

She's still trying. 

He loved her. 

"Baby, I need you to tell Harry."

"Mum."

"Louis."

"But..."

"Nothing. He deserves to know at this point. This information is long overdue. You can't wait any longer."

"Mum, it's going to break him."

His voice broke saying that. Him not telling Harry was not because he was selfish in any way. It was because Harry was also dealing with a lot. This band was dealing with a lot. Adding 'Louis' depression and self-harm' to that list is not the ideal on the checklist. 

"It's going to destabilize him for a while but he will be there for you Louis. I don't know how else to help you believe that. This is Harry. You know him better."

And Louis cried into the phone. His mum was right. She was always right. But so was everyone who called him a coward. He couldn't even face up to the fact that he needed help. 

He could feel himself slipping away. 

Before this phone call ended like every other, in total darkness and silence, there was shuffling on the other line. And then shrill voices sounded through it making him pull the phone away from his ear, and then a smile slowly made its way to his face. 

"Hi LouLou. We just wanted to say hi."

"Hi Lots. Who's we?"

"Hi Lou!"

Louis' covered his mouth to hide his smile that was already being masked by his tears. He missed the older twins so much. And then of course the giggling noises of the younger twins in the background had him choking out a laugh and a small "hi there". 

"You're tearing up over me? I'm flattered Lou."

"Don't get ahead of yourself Fizz."

And the next 10 minutes of Louis' life was spent with the girls each narrating how Fizzy has a new crush and how Phoebe and Daisy want to be models like their big brother, to which he argued that he wasn't, which caused a broader argument that he was one and just didn't know it yet. 

As they each said good bye, Jay told him simply:

"Love is the strongest medicine boobear."

* * * 

He didn't know how long he lay on that floor, in the darkness, attempting to strategize to walk over to his and his boyfriend's shared bedroom and tell him. Tell him everything. 

The reason he liked this room for his alone time is because they now had an extra room after he who shalt not be named left. He snorted to himself at his dumb Harry Potter reference. 

He was losing his sanity. 

His body unconsciously had moved to laying on the floor, back straight against the wall, knees still cradled to his chest. He was just staring into the mass of darkness that he was so used to by now. Sometimes it looked like the darkness was different shades of black. 

Yup. Definitely losing it. 

He almost started screaming when a pair of feet moved into his view. He would have, but he really did not have the energy to move at all. So if this person was here to rob him, then today was their lucky day. 

"I can't fucking believe this is you Lou."

And Louis' body jerked up so fast he probably broke a few imaginary bones. He looked up as the person knelt down in front of him. 

The raven-haired boy slowly touched Louis' shoulder and the older recoiled at the touch. How dare he who shalt not be named walk in here calmly and expect his approval. 

How the fuck did he even find...

His mum. Goddamn that woman!

"Hey. It's just me. Zayn. Your friend."

"Y-you're not my f-friend. T-traitor!"

Must've been a while that Louis was laying down and his ever loud voice lost in the whispers of the dark room. 

"Listen. You can stay mad at me, but after I help you."

"How much is she paying you?"

"What? Your mum? God no. She's not paying me. She's just concerned and I'm the only person in this band who knows what's going on with you."

"Which band? Naughty Boy and the baldies?"

Zayn rolled his eyes but saw a small smile playing on Louis' lips, so he smiled back, receiving a half-hearted smile. 

That's progress. 

Zayn helped lift Louis from the floor and they slowly maneuvered to the bed. He lay the boy down and removed the boy's shoes. He was already in sweatpants and a hoodie so he didn't need to change those. Then he went to the bathroom and opened the mirror cabinet, grabbing some Advil and going back to the small fridge and grabbing a bottle of water. 

He gave them to Louis, helping him sit up to take the medicine. Usually he'd fall into a restless sleep and not take painkillers and wake up with a killer headache and hand ache. Zayn knew this and for that, he was slowly becoming grateful for this ninja's presence. 

"How did you get in?"

"They still give me spare keys for the spare room."

Louis nodded and took another sip of the cold water, letting it slide down his throat, leaving a tingly sensation in its wake. He needed to stop these inside observations. 

"How bad is it this time?"

"What do you care?"

And Zayn saw it. Louis rebuilding up his walls. The walls that only Harry could really tear down completely and permanently, but the feathery-haired boy didn't have enough faith to let happen. 

"Louis, not everyone is out to get you. There are indeed a handful of us that genuinely believe in you."

Louis remained silent, watching the water stabilize itself in the bottle. Zayn gets scared, not knowing what goes through Louis' head. He believes the mind is a horror movie in itself. It could have parts of comedy or romance or even animation but all in all, it is the original horror movie. 

"Cut a vein today. Painful as fuck."

And he slowly held out his bandaged arm for Zayn to inspect. Zayn took the arm in his and slowly unwrapped the bandage. He held in a gasp as he saw the red lines all over his left arm. The largest cut still had blood pouring out of it, so he guessed that was where he cut a vein.

Zayn sighed, going to grab the bottle of antiseptic and some gauze, sitting down on the edge of the bed and slowly dabbed the medicine onto the red marks. He watched Louis' face the entire time and noticed he didn't even flinch. He was slowly losing the feeling of pain, especially in his arms. 

He finished cleaning and medicating the marks, and used a new bandage to tie his arm up. Louis was grateful by the end and he lay down with a content sigh. 

"Is it time to tell any of the others yet?"

"It was time to tell them a long time ago Z, I'm just too much of a coward to do it."

Zayn lays down next to him, both staring up at the ceiling which has small shadows playing on it from all the lights Zayn put on. 

"You're not a coward Louis. Fear does not make you a coward."

"Z, that was stupid! Of course fear makes you a coward."

"Oh. Right. But you're not fearful Louis. You're mindful of what they'll think. You're thinking about their reactions. That's not cowardice."

"What is it then?"

"It's being a dumb friend, but a friend nonetheless."

"You're an asshole you know that."

Zayn smirked and Louis gave a genuine smile. He closed his eyes and imagined a life where things were a little easier on him. Maybe in his next life the heavens above will pity him and not make him a famous heartthrob. 

"I wanna do it."

"What? Sky-dive? Bro, same."

Louis turned his head to look at Zayn with a confused expression. Zayn turned to look at him and shrugged his shoulders. They were clearly thinking about two different things just now. 

"No! Well, yes but that's not what I wanna do right now. I wanna tell them. All of them."

Zayn say up, looking down at Louis, seeing how completely serious he was about this. He smiled at the older boy who reciprocated a shy smile. 

"I'll get the lads!"

* * * 

15 minutes. 

That's how long it had been. 

15 minutes that for some reason felt like years. How can Zayn be gone for so long! All he was doing was telling them Louis needed to talk to them. 

That was like, 3 minutes tops!

He smiled at his own perverted joke. 

His moment was interrupted by the door to the hotel room opening up and Zayn peeking his head in. He looked around till he spotted Louis sitting in the same spot he found him almost 2 hours earlier. 

He walked in and shut the door, quickly kneeling in front of the older boy, inspecting him to see if he was ok. Maybe he relapsed when he was away?

Good job Zayn! You left him alone for too long!

Louis smiled and smacked Zayn's hands away from his body. Zayn looked at him confused. Louis showed the boy his arms and there were indeed no new cuts since much earlier in the evening. 

"Don't over react on me now Z."

Zayn sighed in relief and nodded back at Louis. He had to try to remain calm for Louis because once he told the others, he's going to need someone on his side. 

They stood up and Zayn led him out of the room, down the hall to Liam's room. Zayn knocked and after 3 beats of silence, they heard the bolt being unlocked and the door opened slowly to reveal a concerned Liam. He opened it wider and let both boys pass through. On the bed sat Niall, who was absentmindedly eating M&Ms. Zayn and Liam sat next to him. 

"Um... hi boys."

"Lou. You alright? It's so weird to see you and Zayn suddenly getting along after... well you know."

"Circumstances. Just, I have something to tell you guys and Zayn's kind of the only person who knows."

"Only person? What about Harry?"

Niall piped up from where he was besides Zayn. Liam looked questionably back at Louis. 

"Yeah. Why isn't Harry here?"

"Guys. He knows what he's doing. Just have faith in him and listen."

Zayn said, nodding slowly at Louis who smiled gratefully at him. He took a deep breathe and slowly lifted up his hoodie sleeve revealing the bandage. 

"Got a new tattoo?"

"No."

"You got hurt on stage?"

"No."

"You..."

"Niall! Shut up and let me tell you!"

Louis said, frustrated. It was already so hard for him and none of them were making it easier. Even Zayn who was looking at him pitifully. He didn't want pity. 

"It started a while back and I guess I just started using self-harm as a way out."

Liam's head dropped into his palms and Niall gasped loudly. This is why he didn't want to tell them in the first place. He didn't want to hear any lectures. 

He was subconsciously moving backwards into the wall. Liam's eyes had sadness. Niall's had pity. Zayn's had worry. There were so many eyes and the room was starting to spin. 

"Louis... please. It's ok."

Zayn said from in front of him. Zayn wiped a tear from the boy's cheek and he didn't know he was already crying. He was such a cry baby. A cry baby who was about 5 seconds away from relapsing again. 

"Why... why didn't you tell us?"

Liam finally asked. Louis' tear-filled eyes looked at Liam's. He didn't find the disappointment, the betrayal or the anger that he had first suspected would be all of their moods immediately he told them. 

"I was scared. Of how you would react. I don't wanna go to a rehab or something. I don't want to be sent away."

Liam stood up abruptly and walked over to Louis, encasing him in a hug which Louis fell into, sobs racking his chest. He doesn't want to go away. 

"God Louis. We wouldn't try to get you sent away. We would have helped you. We want to help you. And I know it's scary but you can tell us anything. We are family."

Louis rubbed his head in Liam's neck and whispered 'thank you's and 'I'm sorry' to which Liam would shush him. 

Eventually, more hands wrapped around Louis from his back and Louis could feel Niall's familiar body structure hug him as well. He could also feel Niall's body shake with his crying and he felt so bad that he was causing pain to his best friends. But he was also grateful that they could somehow feel his pain. 

"We're going to help you Lou."

Niall whispered and Louis tightened his grip around Liam's waist. He loved his best friends so much. 

After a minute they all let go of each other they let him sit on the bed with Niall, whose arm was hooked around Louis' and his head was on the older's shoulder. Liam and Zayn stood in front of them looking at him thoughtfully. 

"What?"

"Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"To tell us the rest of the story."

Louis looked back at Liam, then Zayn and then at his lap. He's already got the party going, might as well get the cake out. 

"Yeah. Yeah I'm ready. So it started that day Zayn found me..."

* * *

This was so much. 

Why the fuck was he doing it in one fucking night! Like he can do this tomorrow maybe even next week!

But then he'll keep postponing this and his baby doesn't deserve that. Not anymore. 

2 down. 1 to go. 

He knocks on his and Harry's shared room door, letting out a sigh. Liam, Niall and Zayn were still in Liam's room, he guessed digesting. He wasn't going to sit around and wait for their conclusion. They can tell him in the morning, or later during this eventful night which seems to never end-

His thoughts were cut off by the door opening. He looked at Harry's face and immediately felt sad. So sad. And he just wanted to take that sadness away. 

"Well look who it is. Come to take your clothes and move out?"

"Wh-what? What are you talking about?"

"2 weeks. That's how long since you slept I the same bed with me. That's how long since we had a proper conversation. And the funny thing is, we didn't even fight. You just, vanished."

"Harry. Lemme explain-"

"You don't get to explain anything Louis!"

He shoved Louis further into the hallway. It wasn't hard but Louis felt his heart break. And then Harry's tears showed up. Thank fuck they rented out entire hallways. 

"You hurt me Louis! All the fucking time! And you expect us to be ok in this relationship? You're not the only one struggling ok!"

Harry kept moving forward and shoving Louis until he was up against the wall and now he was just punching the older's chest. With each hit his arm power got weaker until Louis just gently pulled him into his chest and hugged him. Harry's fingers grasped the boy's hoodie so tight as he sobbed into his boyfriend's chest. 

Harry being angry and sad wasn't something that Louis planned for. He didn't want it at all. But whenever something happened or he got sad, Louis shut off. A lot of times it wasn't intentional. It just kinda happened. And Harry was the one bearing the consequences, even if he was the one with the cuts. 

He slowly maneuvered back into their room, with Harry not leaving his chest. He closes the door  with his foot and leads the two of them to the bed. He notices the sleeping pills on Harry's bedside but he won't bring that up now. 

Harry immediately cuddled into Louis' warmth, the one he'd been missing for so long. It felt like the first time they cuddled and his emotions were just all over the place. 

"I-I'm sorry, LouLou."

"No no no. You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who will be doing all the apologizing."

"Will be?"

"I can't apologize fully until I explain everything to you love. I guess I'm tired of keeping it all in."

Harry sat up at his words and Louis followed. He leaned against the headboard and shockingly to Louis, Harry leaned up against him, bringing his knees up to his chest as if Louis was about to tell him a story. 

Just like when they first started dating. 

Louis wrapped his arms around the boy, pulling him closer and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. Both of them needed reassurance that they would get through all of this drama.  

"First of all, I'm sorry I didn't tell you first and immediately it happened. I was scared you wouldn't want me or you'd think I'm crazy."

"Why?"

Louis let out a shaky sigh and moved his left arm closer to his right, lifting up the sleeve and showing Harry the bandage. Harry gasped and delicately held Louis' arm and knew exactly what was happening. 

"What made you start?"

"I guess it was the whole Eleanor thing. And then of course Simon doesn't take shit from me, even when I have no shit to offer."

"But you've never had a bandage this big. What happened today?"

Harry knew that he wore bandaids or bracelets whenever he was in short sleeves, which wasn't a lot in the past few weeks. He assumed he was getting clumsy like himself or he was catching a cold and thus the hoodies and all. 

He was so wrong. 

"Today, after the meeting, they called me back. They told me that... that I won't be having a normal hiatus. Like you guys will."

"What are they making you do Lou?"

Louis looked up at the ceiling, already feeling his tears form behind his eyelids. He hated this. He hated their management. He hated Simon. 

But he loves Harry and he loves Liam and Niall. He wouldn't want any of them to go through what he's been forced to. 

"Lou..."

"They want me to have a baby."

"W-what?"

"They want to make up the narrative that I knocked up a girl and so my hiatus is going to be filled with pap walks and baby stunts and all the bullshit and Harry I couldn't take it. There was so much in that contract."

Louis looked back at Harry, his tears free falling down his cheeks. Harry had tears dancing in his eyes as well. All this to prove to themselves that him and Louis weren't in a relationship? Really?

"But why? It's not necessary."

"It's not but nothing they ever do on the side is necessary. I'm sorry I kept this from you but I was scared Haz. I'm still scared."

"And it's ok boo. It's ok to be scared. And don't apologize for that. I'm happy you told me eventually. I love you no matter what Lou."

Louis smiled back at Harry and placed a kiss on the boy's nose, making him giggle. 

"But, why you?"

"I'm still their weakest link Harry. This band could move on without me but they need to keep up appearances."

"That's not true and you know it."

Harry wiggles his way out of Louis' grip and on off the bed, running to the closet where their clothes and suitcases lay. He opened his bag and flipped through it, looking for something hastily. 

He waltzed back to the bed with his journal in hand, flipping through the pages. 

"Aha! Here. It. Is."

And he handed Louis an envelope, sitting beside the boy. 

"Um. What's this?"

"Open it silly. That's how the game works."

Louis smiled because Harry was the cutest person ever, it amazes and shocks him every time. He opens the envelope, pulling out a paper and a button pin. 

The pin had the words "Loved" on it in Harry's recognizable handwriting and the person who made it really outdid themselves. 

"This is adorable Hazza. Thank you."

Harry smiles back, dimples on display, as Louis unfolds the paper. He recognizes the handwritings immediately. Harry in the middle, Liam at the top right, Niall at the bottom and Zayn? 

And the he read their words:

Hey Lou.

If you're reading this, you must be sad or doubting yourself. As one of your best friends, I want to forever remind you how loved and important to us, not only to your family, your fans, the band, your boyfriend but to me as well. You've helped me and been there for me countless times, and I want to be able to do that to you as well. Love you Lou. 

\- Liam

~

Louis!

My man! 

As you know, I am a man of few words ;) But I just want to remind you of all the good and fun things we've done over the years in this band. That wouldn't be possible, if you weren't part of us. Don't you ever for a second think that you are less important than any of us. We love you bro, never forget that. Ever. 

Z. 

~

Hi Louis. 

So I've been told to write something that will make you smile when you're feeling down... you know what, I probably shouldn't have started like that. 

Nandos!

I don't know. That always makes me smile, especially when you bring some for the both of us and we have a marathon. And you just kinda always know when I'm sad. So thank you. And I love you!

Nialler x

~

Boobear x

I made this because I know how hard of a time you go through to keep this band on top. I know how hard it hits you on some days. I know sometimes my cuddles can't hold your emotions together anymore. 

So whenever you feel down, out on the pin and read this little note that we made and just cry it out ok? You're too pretty to be sad boo. 

And if you still need more love, my arms are always open. I love you so much Louis x

Hazza <3

~

Louis looks back at Harry with more tears, but happy tears. Harry really was the sweetest boyfriend and best friend ever. 

Harry smiles cheekily. Louis attacks him and pulls him into a hug. Harry wraps his arms around the boy and and buried his head in Louis' neck, inhaling his familiar scent. 

"Thank you Harry. Thank you."

He mumbled into Harry's hair, rubbing Harry's side and pulling him into his lap. Harry smiled into his shoulder, snuggling impossibly closer. 

Harry pulled away first and wiped Louis' cheeks. Without warning, he leaned in and pressed his lips to Louis', having missed the feeling for so long. 

Louis kissed back with all his love, affection, lust and apologies towards the younger. He could have never asked for a better boyfriend, a better best friend, a better bandmate. 

He kissed him back with all the passion he needed over this period of torture, and he missed it. So fucking much. 

And he before he knew it, he was crying into the kiss, to which Harry giggled and hugged him. Louis chuckled and hugged back as the lay in the bed, not really giving a damn about the outside world. 

They were focusing on them, just like they should always be. 

"Please don't take any more sleeping pills Haz."

"I won't. I promise."

As Louis lay there thinking about all the darkness in his life, all it was going to throw at him, he couldn't help but smile at the light that was Harry and his love. There was hope with Harry, and so help him he wanted to keep it forever. 

"You are the best and I love you so fucking much."

"Do not curse as you profess your love for me Louis Tomlinson."

Harry said with utmost seriousness and Louis laughed pinching the younger boy's cheeks, placing kisses to each. 

"I love you so freaking much, Harry Styles."

"I love you so fucking much, Louis Tomlinson."

➰

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading this little piece of mine! I write more on Wattpad so you can find more write ups @LarriesKingdom. 
> 
> If you guys like this, I’ll post more here on AO3. 
> 
> Anyway! Thank you for reading. 
> 
> All the love x


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